Et Tu George?

And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail, master; and kissed him.  Matthew 26:49 (KJV)

As Easter approaches I have been doing a little thinking every day on some of the key players in the events leading up to the crucifixion.  As a part of this exercise I try to put myself in their shoes and guess what I might have done.  Most of the time I find that I would likely have done much worse.  If I were Peter – I would have cursed six times.  Mary Magdalene – I would have headed for the hills.  Over the years (in years past is probably more accurate) I have done such character studies, but it occurs to me that Judas has pretty much been off limits.  Why is that?  What is it about Judas that makes me avoid him like a case of Anthrax?  Maybe because he is unredeemable. He betrayed Jesus. He is to be spat on, despised, forgotten.  Or, and I fear this is the real reason - maybe I see more of myself in Judas than in the rest of the crew.

Judas is uncomfortably close.  Judas was probably the most educated of the disciples. He was one of the few not from 'up North', and likely saw himself as a cut above, a bit special. He was the only one given a task: to take care of the money, and we can imagine he probably earned that by being more numerate. It is also thought he was likely to be a bit of a Zealot. He probably saw Jesus' mission - as most did - as a political one. Jesus would rise up against the Romans and chuck them out, restoring sovereignty to Israel.

Judas would doubtless have heard that the authorities were looking for a way to trap Jesus. They had also said that they didn't want him arrested over the festival, because they feared that after his triumphant entry to Jerusalem the people would riot. Perhaps Judas spots an opportunity. He will go to them, offer to betray Jesus, and persuade them that he can only do it now - over the festival. Perhaps he hopes this will cause a riot, and thus catalyze Jesus into his political takeover.

Judas attends the Last Supper. And when Jesus hands him a piece of bread - his 'body broken' - Judas leaves. Why did he leave then? Perhaps because he was the only one to understand the huge significance of what Jesus was doing in that first act of communion. If Jesus is going to die and become transcendent, he will slip through his political hands. Jesus – the Christ - dispersed, viral, networked - cannot be controlled. And he must stop this from happening.

So he goes to the authorities. They convene hurriedly and agree to his plan. They go to find Jesus, and a crowd follows them - excellent! He approaches Jesus and kisses him. Maybe he thinks Jesus will be pleased - he is offering him his golden opportunity on a plate to begin his political mission. Things start brilliantly: a fight breaks out, swords are drawn... Then disaster - Jesus commands them all to stop. He submits, is led away, given a mock trial and killed, his followers dispersed. He has failed.

Judas was distraught, he threw the money back, and committed suicide.

So who is this Judas?  For years I thought of Judas as this scumbag accessory to murder, no more worthy of thought than a pile of....  But today I realize...he is me. How many times have I (do I) tried to decide for God what God is going to do?  I find that sometimes, when I kiss Jesus it's more out of a lust for some kind of power, some feeble attempt at manipulating the Creator than it is for the mere gratefulness and love which I should be giving.  I hate to think of it, but sometimes I feel like I am more Judas than any of the others.  Maybe it won’t stay that way.  Maybe I can strive to be more like Mary, I’d even settle for Peter!