Beginning - again

Some call it Deja Vu, some Second Sight, still others may say "Doing it all over again." But it's a beginning. A friend of mine spent years trying to quit smoking. At the start of each attempt he'd say that that particular day was "day one", when in fact it might have been the 30th time he had tried... it was a new beginning.

And so here I am again - at a beginning. In the last, well let's say decade, I have made several attempts to begin (again) my spiritual journey. Of course I don't know that this particular journey ever really comes to an end, but I feel like this one might have the potential to be for real.

Here's my problem, or problems if you like:

1. I don't think I believe in God.

2. I think I might believe in God.

3. I want to believe in God.

4. I don't know how to believe in God.

Get the picture? I've been told that I just need to have faith. Okay! Great! Where do I get some? I truly envy the faithful - those who just know deep down inside that God exists. I am not one of those people.

So last week I visited a church. It was nice, the pastor's cool, and the people seemed genuine. I met with the pastor one day and she seemed genuine, and the best part was - she didn't try to sell me on the simplicity of faith!

Okay, now I have to say this: I'm not a particularly vain person, and I'm certainly not vain enough to think that a pastor would craft a sermon with me in mind, but today's sermon was pretty interesting. It was the beginning of a series on Abraham and Sarah, and the number one thing that I remember being said was something along the line of, "Abraham and Sarah doubted God's promise that they would have a child, but they must have trusted God enough to at least try once!" Interesting. Seems to fit in nicely in my situation. Maybe I don't believe in God, maybe I do - but at least I'm going to take the step, have taken the step of going to church.

We'll see...